Gotta pick on DC for a minute

In the landscape of big American cities, DC is the Steve Urkel.  Nerdy, and not in an ironic way.  Under the impression that one day the cooler big cities will recognize its coolness.  Thinks that by shedding the accessories of the utterly uncool it can transform itself into something it isn't: http://youtu.be/_XtgSewZ6x8

This crazy transformation back into Urkel looks a lot like a personification of the H Street corridor in NE DC.  Am I right?!   I've got my nerve picking on DC since I moved here with such conviction 7 years ago...and have tried to leave at least 3 times, but keep getting sucked back in because it's been too good to me in the form of awesome friends and community and letting me into graduate school when oh so many other places told me no.  I'm really grappling with the haunting notion that DC is my destiny.  I feel like Laura in that moment when she calls bullshit on Stefan Urquelle and wants Urkel to show his true colors...but not because she wants to fall in love with Urkel, only because she sees through Urquelle as a ridiculous ploy to win her love.  Frozen Yogurt was almost my Stefan Urquelle in DC.  But Fro Yo just isn't enough for me!  I need more!  

One of the many things that really gets to me here is illustrated by my Ward 1 councilman AND someone where I work.  Both flaunt bow ties as an acceptable and professional attire in the workplace.  This kind of ridiculousness only happens here in DC.  It wouldn't get under my skin except for the fact that this same person at work implemented a no denim rule, which is part of a longer full-page dress code.  Like, no denim EVER, not even on Fridays and not even in the form of a jacket.  I was born in 1980, how am I supposed to respond to that?!  I just got rid of 4 of my 5 jean skirts when I turned 30, but I still had to keep at least one for leg warmers concerts and cure v. smiths dance-offs!  And the jean jackets, oh no, don't get me started!  I mean, one is thick and one has cropped sleeves, I need them both, and yes, I need to be able to wear them on a weekday.  

Let me be fair -- I'm all for banning acid-washed or even stone-washed jeans in the workplace.  In fact, PLEASE let's make that a rule nation-wide so the fashion industry will stop trying to resurrect them.  But no dark-wash denim or jean jackets?  Newsflash: we aren't NYC or LA or even Chicago folks.  People wear scrunchies on the metro and tube socks with Reebok pumps over their flesh-colored pantyhose and skirt suits. We aren't fooling anybody by not wearing denim to work. The next thing I know, I'll be stripped of my right to wear anything sleeveless because of its unfortunate association with Richard Simmons.  I demand my rights!  I can't get congressional representation, and now this?

I have been doing my own little experiment under the radar.  I've been wearing jeggings with a long tunic top and developing my own little inside joke about how stupid the denim rule is since I'm wearing it frequently to the office and no one knows it.  SUCKERS!  Are they tights or are they jeans?  They seem too tight to be jeans but too thick to be tights...  I'll never tell!!!!!!!!  Yes, it makes me sound crazy.  I totally get that, I really do.  But that's the problem with DC. If you can't get like orgasmically excited about Tangy Sweet in every neighborhood, you can't thrive here...you might be able to survive if you like half smokes well enough, but even that indulgence leaves me with terrible tummy aches.  The bottom line is that this place is crazy, not me!  And I'm not the only one going crazy around here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTcNMWCVylM.  I mean crazy in a good way.  Because the alternative is not going crazy and being a-ok with this place.

So, I realize, this has been a post waiting to happen.  I obviously have a lot of rage built up about DC and its un-endearing idiosyncrasies.  I hesitate to even post this since I know so many of you love it here...or at least like it well enough.  I don't want to infect you with my baditude.  

Maybe it's just a 7 year itch, but I've had it for most of these 7 years...