Going Down Rabbit Holes...

...is perhaps the thing I try to avoid most in graduate school.  It plagues me to think that in the midst of my hectic and intense schedule I might fall into a rabbit hole of articles through the Library’s search engine or into a deep dark tunnel of a project at work that takes me away from the pressing matters at hand.  I’m near certain that today was the first day of 2011 that I had no obligation on any level to take care of when my work day ended today.  No plans, no papers-in-waiting, no immediate homework, no deadlines, no chores, no errands, no scheduled anything.  It felt so amazing!  Like, I can’t believe that I used to have a life that was made up of many days in the week like this. I jumped into many rabbit holes tonight from my own personal research interests to exploring some new music.

I was just thinking about rabbit holes and how they are a euphemism for a drug trip…and yet, the rabbit holes I avoid are the total opposite of hallucination.  They are more like the intense glaring reality of life blazing through stage lights turned on me from all directions.  Or is it more like being on drugs?  And if I allow myself to think of intense stress as a form of drug use, how might that change how I allow stress to influence my life?  I mean, I don’t enjoy being stressed. Yet, I admit that when asking this question, I realize that there is some form of dignity that I feel by “making it through it all” that allows me to suffer stress and the many consequences it has on my body, my soul, my relationships, and my creativity.  It doesn't bring me shame in the same way that the thought of drug addiction does.  Stress somehow allows me to prove that I’m thick-skinned and tough and gives me some form of credit—capital—that shows how committed I am to pursuing my dreams.   What a shame. That is not how I’m trying to live my life.

But ya know, it’s been way too long since I read Alice in Wonderland.  So, I wonder if Carroll’s rabbit hole leading to a bizarre world is something I should be willing to enter more often or if I should keep trying to avoid it.  Would it be so bad to travel into the land of the unexpected and be willing to discover a different world as I’m working hard on my assignments?  I’m pretty sure that the desire and drive to discover a new world of knowledge and understanding is precisely why I’m willing to take on this endeavor in the first place.