A Re-Do!

How many times do we find ourselves wishing for the opportunity for a re-do in life?  You know, that one thing you said or did or wanted to say or do, etc.  Well, I have the rare opportunity for a re-do right now, and I want to make the best of it.

The professor for the PhD proseminar course is requiring students to bring in a polished 12-25 page essay to the first class meeting.  We are meant to address any previous commentary we've received on the paper and shape it up in time for this class.  Presumably, we will receive additional feedback from the professor (and/or maybe classmates?) and have an opportunity to continue to work on this paper with an eye toward making it a publishable piece.  

Perhaps my language falls flat, but anytime a lowly PhD student mentions anything in the orbit of publishing it is a BIG DEAL!  Publishing a piece of work in an academic journal is often what gets you job interviews in the future, opportunities for postdoctoral fellowships, and other important opportunities that are necessary for a successful career in academia.  Publishing something also takes time because there is that whole peer review thing and the frequency of the publication -- some are monthly, but most seem to be quarterly -- can be another barrier.  In other words, this can be a fairly long process.

TIme is of the essence for us students because we need to start establishing ourselves in the academic marketplace and showing our chops.  So, the opportunity to work toward a publishable piece as a stated goal of a course is pretty awesome.  I've got my paper all picked out: "Postmodern Affect and the Ethics of Survival in Octavia Butler's Parable of the Sower".  This topic may sound eerily familiar...like something I was working on for my thesis.  And you are right, I'm using the paper that inspired my thesis and returning to it with all of the knowledge and writing that I accomplished through the thesis project and hoping to revamp it into a focused, interesting, and PUBLISHABLE essay.  

As exciting as this is, it is also somewhat paralyzing.  Just as it can be embarrassing or frustrating to look back at a situation when you said the wrong thing or didn't say the thing you wanted to say, looking back at previously written work can inspire an amazing ability to block out the episode or avoid taking further action.  Reading your own writing translates into errors glaring at you all of the errors that somehow seemed minor when writing the paper and editing it in a frenzy.  I'm trying to put my subjective self-critique aside to look at this paper objectively in order to evaluate some of the structural mistakes that I abstractly know I make, but am often at a loss to specifically identify when I'm in the midst of the writing and editing process.  

One thing I have noticed already in my review of the first few pages is that I'm very clumsy in the way that introduce my topic.  I seem to think that introducing my topic means that I must introduce all of my insights that I will make in the paper in the introductory paragraph so no one is "surprised" as they continue reading.  I was once told in the middle of the paper that the professor was "surprised" by a topic I brought up in the paper because I hadn't mentioned it in the introduction, but I will take full responsibility for fully misunderstanding that criticism.  Because the insights along the way are what has made whatever topic/project interesting to me personally, I'm often not able to get enough distance to see that the topic itself is interesting and needs to be given its fair share of time in the spotlight of the introduction to ensure that others see how interesting it is.  

Thinking of this as a specific task makes this a lot more fun and creative...and as of right now, I'm FINALLY feeling motivated and empowered enough to tackle this thing "bird by bird" (thank you, Anne Lamott).