Running Full Circle

It seems as though I like the idea of running more than I like running itself.  It has to be what keeps me getting out there and trying because while I'm running I must admit that it makes me feel alternately awesome and terrible. I definitely feel great afterward, which is what keeps me at it, but in the midst of it, I basically feel like I have two concrete blocks for feet.

I first got serious about running in 2005 when I decided to train for a marathon even though I had never run more than about 2 miles.  I trained for six months and ran the whole thing at about a 13 minute pace, which meant I finished it in something like 6 hours.  That was the first race I had ever run, and I started entering races to keep up with running because it was a good way to have a goal that forced me to train.  I've always entered races with the goal of finishing rather than having a particular time/pace goal in mind.  Yet, the longer I've been running, the more I feel compelled to run faster.

The fastest race I ever ran was the Cherry Blossom 10-miler in 2010 when I ran an average of 9:58, just under a 10-minute mile.  Now, I'm training for this year's Cherry Blossom 10-miler, and I can feel the effects of my stressful life through my physical limitations.  I'm doing okay in training, but I can't seem to go faster than about a 12 minute mile.  And most days, I've been trying to fit in runs by running home from work with my stuff in a backpack, and I just can't get into a rhythm with the backpack.  The combination of stress, lack of time for regular hardcore exercise and weight training, and sheer exhaustion make it difficult to muster the energy for improving.  BUT, as a friend and fellow runner has told me often, running is one of the only sports where just putting on your shoes and getting out there means you will get better and better, even if it happens slowly.  I guess my endurance to complete 8 miles today, even if I was really slow, proves that point.

I was just reflecting on how I seem to be nearly at the same pace I was when I first started running regularly 7 years ago.  It seems strange that I haven't become someone who just loves to run and must get out there everyday to feel good since I hear of some people getting through the stress of grad school through more exercise rather than less (although honestly, none of these people are student in my grad program, so it sounds more like a myth than reality to me!).  But hey, I'm still getting out there right?

Are any of YOU people who exercise more under stress?  If so, I'm curious how you find the energy for it...?