Diamonds, Dogs, and Diamond Dogs

I was reading Jezebel.com today and came across this new Tiffany advertising...campaign doesn't quite capture it.... .  This new site even has an app for people in love, which made me puke a little.

Would an app for people in love have anything that might actually be useful to developing depth in a relationship?  Of course not. Would it at least have something funny?  Nope.  I think it would be cool if they had something like angry birds that was called angry lovers instead.  Instead of sending angry birds in slingshots to knock down a pig's fortress, the angry lover can pull a sling shot and destroy the other's belongings.  The Tiffany app is pretty boring -- it has ring sizes, carat sizes, and a variety of rings, which we all know is the only way to know if someone really loves you.  It seems like a more apt name for the app would be an app for people in love with things, not for people in love.  

The love tips on the website tell you that the more in love you are, the more things you should hide from your loved one.  If he knows you too well then he will probably leave your ass.  "When you love someone who loves you, secrets are not a problem."  Um, what?  Do you mean secrets like, I-like-to-engage-in-deviant-sexual-behavior-when-you-aren't-home kinda secrets?  And "don't ever give gifts in small square boxes"...?!  Obviously we women don't want to be part of any discussion that leads to a lifelong commitment with another person; we just want to be surprised with a ring in a small square box.  The proposal must be kept top secret to remind the woman that she is desperate for a man to take care of her and is being invited into an earthly kind of heaven that she longs for and has no control over.  If she is brought into the conversation before the surprise proposal, she might actually have an opinion on the nature of the relationship, and that would be baaaaaaad.

And what's with the whole diamonds thing anyway?  I definitely think diamonds are pretty.  But I don't have a particular hankering to have one.  If I did want one so badly, I would probably take Beyonce's guidance (and about the only guidance I would take from her) and buy it for myself.  So, I've never personally connected with the trope that diamonds are a girls best friend.   It's been a hard notion for me to digest in part because by comparison, man's best friend is a dog.  It makes no sense to me.  What kind of comparison are dogs and diamonds?  The only thing that it brings up for me is David Bowie.  

Secret Service in My 'Hood!

I was biking home around 7:00 tonight, and as I passed the intersection of Lanier and Ontario, I noticed a large van parked illegally.  And then I noticed the writing and logo along the side that read "United States Secret Service: Uniform Unit."  There was no pomp and circumstance -- no blocked off street corners, flashing lights, or sirens.  Just the van.  

I got nervous because the last time I experienced such eerie quiet with law enforcement present was about 4 years ago when I saw several cop cars drive down my street rather erratically.  I was getting into my car when I saw them, and in that moment I realized I had forgotten the bottle of wine I was supposed to bring to a dinner party.  So, I ran back inside quickly to grab it, and when I got back outside an entire swat team was busting into the house across the street and managed to swarm the place without making a peep!  I panicked and hot tailed it out of there as fast I could.

Just like tonight...I started peddling quite a bit faster instead of sticking around to get a sense of the situation.  I'll be honest, I had no idea that there was such a unit in the Secret Service that would come into the community.  They are in fact the White House Police Force, but in addition to serving the "White House Complex" their mission is apparently "to safeguard the nation's financial infrastructure and payment systems to preserve the integrity of the economy, and to protect national leaders, visiting heads of state and government, designated sites and National Special Security Events."

It's an interesting time to be responsible for preserving the integrity of the economy.  Doesn't that mean they should be hustling the Republicans down on the hill to raise the debt ceiling?  

Mystery NOT solved.

Louisiana's Nobel Prize

Louisiana always seems to get national attention for f'ing up. I sometimes wonder if it is because we do it so much down there or if it's a conspiracy to discredit us because we are a southern state. As much as I love conspiracy theories --like Client 9 and usually anything involving UFO's -- I'm sad to say that I'm coming to terms with how much we really just screw things up terribly down home.

Right now I'm thinking about education. I'm a product of Louisiana public schools, which ranked 49th out of 50 states for education in 1998 (the year I graduated). They have not ranked higher than 44th in decades. This is obviously a k-12 ranking, but in a state where so many people stay close to home, this obviously impacts the interests and abilities for people to move forward in higher education. The lack of investment in higher ed is abundantly clear. Two years ago, I was shocked at LSU's decision to cut the entire Comparative Literature department, which impacted English and foreign language courses. Now, state officials continue to cut rigorous academic programs, like this cognitive science PhD program, because they are determining the quality of academic programs based on how many people graduate rather than on the depth, content, and quality of education and need for specialization.

There is a part of me that would love to move back there and try to help make an impact and expand opportunities for my fellow Louisianans. But a bigger part of me is just happy that I've been able to expand my educational opportunities outside of the state and don't have to deal with it. 

This joke -- a favorite of my hometown -- comes to mind and seems appropriate to share since it is witty yet revealing about cajun values (and yes, stereotypes too...):
Boudreaux was headed into town one fine spring morning to buy some fertilizer. On his way, he saw Thibodeaux out standing in his rice field. Boudreaux thought it was odd, but went on into town.

So he got himself his fertilizer and then had coffee with the feedstore owner and one thing led to another and it was nearly noon when he headed back home. When he drove past Thibodeaux's place, there was Thibodeaux still out in his rice field, just a' standin' there.

So Boudreax stopped his truck and got out and went over to his old friend. "Thibodeaux, what are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm gonna' win me one of them Nobel prizes." Thibodeaux replied.

"Thibodeaux, you're an ignorant old farmer. Ain't nobody gonna give you no Nobel prize."

"They will too! I done heard it on the radio. They said you get a Nobel prize for being out standing in your field."

My Achilles Heel

My weakest link -- my Achilles Heel if you will -- in academia is my inability to understand the methods of taking a standardized test since I've been taught my whole life to actually question things.  Now, for four hours, I'm supposed to totally turn that off and simply put out.  Well, that's just not how it works for me!

I've taken the GRE three times (2x in 2003 and one time in 2009), and I made the same score (within 10 points) each time that I took the exam.  My preparation didn't make one iota of difference.  I think that I'm probably bad at standardized tests for a number of reasons.  I like my thesis adviser's explanation the best.  She said that I'm not silly enough for that test.  It's true, I'm a serious student...the comedy that comes from my schoolwork typically stems from me working or trying too hard, not actually being funny about something.   I'm also bad at them because I just don't get these standards.

The bottom line, though, is that this test is not meant to evaluate what I know, it is meant to rank me in a very specific and non-nuanced way against other people competing for the same spots in grad school as me.  So, I have swallowed my pride and am starting a prep course for the GRE tonight.  There is nothing worse than having to take a class that tells you how to succeed in proving what you already know.  But I'm doing it.  PhD applications are a pure numbers game since each school gets 500-700 applications with funding for only 5-10 spots.  So, I'm not taking any chances...and I just hope that the time and effort I put into this actually translates into a competitive score.  One thing working in my favor is that this year is the debut of the revised GRE, which allows you to tag questions and return to them later.  I think this feature will really help me a lot!

Anyone have awesome or awesomely terrible standardized test stories for me?  I'd love for you to post them!

D'ohMA

Thank you Al Franken for supporting the repeal of DOMA in a most awesome way!

Just when it seems like the heat wave in Minnesota might be a form of divine retribution for nurturing Michele Bachmann's career in politics...Al Franken shows up to drop some knowledge on the Focus on the Family spinsters!  

Humble Shmumble

The New York Times and The Guardian reported that Rupert Murdoch said in his hearing today that “This is the most humble day of my life."  Hmmmm.  This is a most interesting word choice.  


Is claiming to be humble supposed to ingratiate him to the public?  He is off his high horse now that News Corps is busted and is somehow suggesting that this court case is bringing him a form of Christian-like humility? 

I think the appropriate statement would be that this is the most shameful day of his life.  Saying I am humbled is something that most people say when they are winning the f'ing Nobel Peace Prize, NOT when one has been caught in a crisis of ethics.  No doubt people see through his facade, but as a media mogul I'm curious to see how he is able to manipulate the coverage of this News Corps stuff to his benefit....

My Girl Crush

I have a total girl crush on Gwen Stefani and have ever since listening to No Doubt when I was in high school.  My affinity for female pop icons originated with my Cindy Lauper tape in 1984. I had a bright orange wig that was meant for a clown suit at mardi gras...and I had a pink portable jam box that went with me all around the house and as far out in the yard as the cord would reach.  But that wig transformed me into Cindy Lauper in the after school hours.

I've spent over twenty years trying to maintain a steady voice while jumping up and down and dancing all around...and I admire Gwen Stefani for doing it so well! No, her music is not profound, but it does help me pick up my running pace when I'm struggling.

I'm thinking of this girl crush today because it has just grown a little bit. I learned today that Gwen Stefani is coming out with a children's clothing line...and I think that is pretty rad. I mean, seriously, how cute is is her son, Kingston?

Now, if only my sister would let me pick out some clothes for the nieces and nephew....

Uphill Battle

Today was a major milestone in biking for me.  I biked up the 15th Street hill (between Florida and Euclid) in 3rd gear!  I realize that I was confronting some fears about the bike that I wasn't explicitly aware of...and now, those are slowly but surely being conquered.


In fact, I am currently back in love with biking.  I had a few days in June that were really bad -- mostly due to low air in my tires, which I wasn't aware of.  But that was enough to set me off course and entice me to drive to work, especially on those super hot days we've had recently.  Today was awesome, though, and I'm back in the saddle.

It was also awesome because I ran into friends I otherwise wouldn't have passed along the route and stopped off to have delicious pica tacos with them.  One of the women at the table was talking about running and saying how it is one of the few sports that you get better at simply by getting out there to run.  I'm finding the same is true of biking...and it's something I've been taking for granted.  


“If you worried about falling off the bike, you’d never get on.” -- Lance Armstrong

The Dreaded Doctor Visit

I hate going to the doctor, and I try to avoid it all costs.  After three weeks of on-and-off congestion, coughing, and sore throat, I finally could no longer resist the medical-industrial complex today.

My reasons for hating going to the doctor are numerous.  My biggest peeve is having to sit for long periods of time with other patients in the waiting room--who are usually sicker than me--coughing on me and sitting too close to me in the waiting area.  It feels like I'll surely only get worse by going to the doctor.  


The doctor's visit also never really offers the closure that I'm looking for about what ails me...and perhaps how I might prevent that ailment in the future since I never feel quite confident that the doctor actually knows precisely what's wrong with me.  Like, I left with the impression I have a sinus infection today...but they also tested for strep throat...and yet, it could also be a general cold or flu virus, right?  Regardless, I did take my antibiotics happily since I just want this thing to go away.


The worst, though, is the fact that I never know what they might spring on me that they want to check on.  Today  I was in because I can't breath out of my nose, and I really need to be able to do that, especially to be able to sleep.  All of a sudden, the doctor is pulling my shirt up to check for moles, which I don't have...even after asking me if I have any.  I appreciate the preemptive lookout for cancer, but what in the heck was that all about?  At least I didn't have to put that stupid gown on....  


That's all the motivation I need for exercise and vitamins!  

A day for Emily Dickinson

Sometimes after a long day at work and an exhausting day of extroversion, I need two things: beer and poetry.  


I know that beer and poetry don't often go together...it's usually hard liquor or wine.  But the thing is, when one drinks alone, a bottle of wine is too much.  The single bottles of wine are not very good...and those half-bottles from Whole Foods are great, but I don't usually have those lying around.  Beer is perfect for these days because I can have just one and relax.  


Poetry is perfect because it forces me to slow down and think differently.  I can't delve into a poem and keep thinking as I have all day at work.  I have to allow myself to be affected by it and drawn into the metaphors and imagery.  Emily Dickinson is one of my favorites to get lost in...partly because the world of poetry was really opened up to me through her poems, but also because the more I read, the many more layers beg to be uncovered.  


I share with all of you one of my favorites:

You cannot put a Fire out
A thing that can ignite
Can go, itself, without a Fan
Upon the slowest night


You cannot fold a Flood
And put it in a Drawer
Because the winds would find it out
And tell your Cedar floor

"Too bad m'sieu! You are too impetuous!"

...this is what the Duc d'Orterre yells at Batman as he lunges at the Duc.  I’m taking a comic book course this summer, and it is my first time reading comics.  Like, I didn’t even pull them out of the newspaper as a kid.  Last week we read the first 11 issues of Batman, who is called “The Batman, weird figure of darkness.” 

I don’t know what I expected out of comics, but so far, these first issues of Batman are hilariously xenophobic, sexist, racist, you name it.  One that takes place in Paris with “Le Duc d’Orterre” is so ridiculous it made me laugh out loud.  This is the Duc :

He says things like "Eh. Mes Amis! Bring this thing to my temple.  I shall be amused for a little while."  The 'thing' he is referring to is Batman.  The Duc even has cronies, who wear berets and scarves while they are hustling Bruce Wayne.  


I'm just really not sure what to do with this genre yet.  I'm cracking open this week's reading now, "Batman: The Dark Night Returns."   We'll see if this one converts me or seals my fate to struggle through these remaining four weeks of summer school!

To Vent or Not to Vent

I’ve been venting a lot today – and honestly a lot in general.  I’m annoyed at the moment about my work, school, and personal life imbalance.  I’m doing too good of a job at the things I don’t really care about and not good enough at the things that are really important to me.

What’s a gal to do?  Complain.  Bitch and moan.  Commiserate with friends and sympathetic ears. 

Tom Wolfe would likely admonish me and call it hemorrhoids, a symptom of being a part of an extended Me Generation.  No, I do realize it's not the 70’s.  But in the era of You Tube whose tagline is “broadcast yourself” and Facebook status updates from individuals who think buying toilet paper is a PSA, it is perhaps worse than what Tom Wolfe was talking about because of the decades of perfecting self-absorption.  He might also confront me about my tendency to indulge in delusional fantasies of utopian socialism, which leave me bitter. 

So how does one realize her/his potential as a human being in the midst of daily struggles, annoyances and the intense pressures that often define success...and resist the cultural call to self-definition, self-improvement, and individualism that ultimately leave us alone and isolated?

For the moment I’m turning to read more of Alexis de Tocqueville's work…who believed that democracy continually turns people back into themselves “and threatens, at last, to enclose him entirely in the solitude of his own heart.”  Yikes.

The day after

Contradictory as it may seem for someone like me who is often complaining about the state, the man, the government, etc., I actually love celebrating the 4th of July in DC. Every year since 2005 (except for last year when I was out of town), I start out the day at the National Archives for a dramatic reading of portions of the Declaration of Independence, visit the Folklife Festival, and then, watch the fireworks.

So, after skipping a year, the biggest surprise was the change in the Dramatic Reading of the Declaration of Independence:

2009 -- We got to celebrate our national nerds (a.k.a. the middle school National History Day award winners) as they read portions of the Declaration of Independence alongside professional re-enactors.

2011-- Jeff Shultz, hockey player for the Washington Capitals (and a Canadian), read portions of the Declaration of Independence alongside professional re-enactors.

Is it just me or are professional athletes not exactly known for their dramatic reading skills? Corporate America wins again by replacing the good old days of celebrating outstanding students with a sponsorship benefit and a PR tool for the Caps.  This change may not seem like it is such a big deal, but it really disappointed me so much that I'm still thinking about it today! I really enjoy celebrating the people of our country, not our big businesses.

I think another part of my disappointment stems from the special place in my heart for children who get in front of a huge audience to speak in any capacity. Many of you know my 3rd grade spelling bee story that took place in the corridor of the Houma mall in front of a large seated audience and shoppers walking by. I misheard the word and perfectly spelled "b-i-t-c-h" and sobbed on stage when I was told I was disqualified because the word was "bench." It took many more spelling bees, recitals, and middle school plays to get over my public speaking anxiety. I know some people never get over stuff like that...and anyway, I think its important to give children a forum to celebrate their achievements and to have a chance to honor their successes in public.

Seriously, how much more meaningful is it for a middle school student to be an active participant in a national celebration than for a local athlete? What a bummer that we couldn't give outstanding students that opportunity this year!