Tonight was an “early” night because I just got home at 11:30 p.m. instead of sometime after midnight. This is not my typical schedule by any stretch of the imagination.
Drive is what is getting me through this semester, which leads me to reflect for a bit on what it is that motivates us to do things that challenge us in that over-the-top way. You know, the way that brings you to the brink of a breaking point…until the moment you’ve been waiting for, when your hard work and stamina is rewarded in some way. No, I’m not at all suggesting that I personally had one of those moments today. I definitely did not. But what I did realize is that even though I’m totally exhausted and ready for this grueling semester to end, I’ve still got this strong drive to put a lot of effort and creativity into this last paper. In fact, I’m pretty psyched about writing this paper.
Thriving on the tasks at hand is key to getting through it all. I’m really not sure where my drive comes from. I’m really happy that I have it because otherwise it would be way too easy to be broken down by the stress of graduate school... the constant critique and scrutiny, and the pressure to strike the right balance between ambitious ideas and clearly-stated arguments. As you know, the more complex the idea or argument, the harder it is to explain it much less argue for your theory or reading of a text, etc. It is an exhausting process. It is also invigorating.
Alive - it's how paper-writing makes me feel, believe it or not. I’ve been reading a lot of theory about emotions and thinking about the nature of where they come from and what they mean (here is an example of a syllabus that resembles the one for my emotions class). After studying this for one semester, which admittedly is not very long, I still have no conclusive ideas on where the emotions come from and how a person’s “drive” is determined, constructed, or developed. And yet, I'm still driven to keep learning and exploring those questions. I thrive on that drive, which makes me feel alive!
What is it that drives YOU to do things like…train for a marathon…quit your meaningless job and pursue a vocation…ignore the pressures of family members or others that steer you away from your dreams…?
Unfortunately, some of my drive comes from an overwhelming sense of guilt, thanks a lot, Catholicism.
ReplyDeleteOther sources of drive comes from ideas that just want to come out, and you can't really do anything about it, like a sneeze. The only thing you can do it choose whether you want to put your hand over your mouth or put that sneeze guard over the great big salad bar of life to use...