Earthquake Preparedness

"Sun of my life" is turning out to be my earthquake preparedness plan.  He has felt several tremors since we've been in Santa Cruz, and I've either slept right through them or been so focused on my writing that I haven't noticed them.  It's kinda weird.  There was a 4.0 earthquake that happened just a moment ago, and I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING!  My partner, sitting right here with me, felt it and is the only reason I know about it.

But yeah, let's talk about this whole earthquake business.  It's totally freaky, and I do repeat the routine in my head often: "move to an uncluttered location and stand under something sturdy."  Or, in other words, just run as fast as I can out of the building.  

Santa Cruz is right smack dab on the San Andreas Fault.  There is no way to predict an earthquake.  In some literature I've heard scientists call earthquake studies a "data-poor field"....  It's not that reassuring.  I do much better with long and belabored freak outs about hurricanes that the government is still somehow never prepared to deal with no matter how far in advance a storm is predicted.  In fact, I'm thinking a lot about all of my east coast friends preparing for Frankenstorm right now!

I did find this "13 Crazy Earthquake Facts" article that seems to have eased my mind in the short term.  I mean, seriously, southern California registers 10,000 earthquakes a year?!  I have felt tremors a few times since I've been here, but my brain is still not connecting those vibrations to earthquakes...it's like I assume that I'm near construction or something like that.  Hopefully, my routinized brain will catch up to this new environment soon.  

Natural Born Killers

Last night we were looking to watch a dark comedy and to our surprise, Natural Born Killers showed up on that list.  Neither one of us had seen it before and both of us had heard so much about it that we both wanted to watch it.  It was a seriously violent and uncomfortable film to watch.  But it was also a very interesting commentary on violence and the media.  In fact, by the end of the movie it becomes entirely unclear without visuals to know whether "shoot" is being used to call for a camera shot or for someone to shoot a gun.

Now that I've seen the movie (nearly 20 years after its release), one thing that I think is interesting about the general response to the film's violence and adverse effects on potential copycats is that the media seems to have reproduced the exact same kind of sensationalism and inherent lack of clear ethics (that the film indicts) in their response to the film.  Roger Ebert's 1994 review of the film is spot on, especially when he notes that "(Oliver) Stone has touched a nerve here, because his film isn't about violence, it's about how we respond to violence, and that truly is shocking."  This is why although the film was difficult for me to watch and is not exactly what I would call entertainment, I'm glad I watched it from a critical perspective.  

I guess part of what surprised me about the notoriety of the violence portrayed in the film is that I've definitely seen films that are more violent than this one...for example, maybe Reservoir Dogs, The Silence of the Lambs, and perhaps even that old Brad Pitt movie Seven?  Those are a few that stick out in my mind for having certain horrific scenes that somehow have stayed with me for years after watching them.  The discussion of the limits and effects of violence in American films has been a long-running debate that I'll leave to other far more qualified pundits, but I will say that I agree with the sentiment that Natural Born Killers has been so looked down upon because it makes explicit connections between the American news media, sitcoms, early reality TV, etc. and the 50+ murders that Mickey (see what they did there with a nod to one of America' entertainment's earliest stars, Mickey Mouse?) and Mallory commit throughout the course of the film.  

From that perspective, the film is definitely worth watching to make your own assessment.  Speaking of assessments...if anyone from Netflix is reading this, I would NOT classify this film as a dark comedy.  It is definitely a satire; dark comedy and satire are not at all the same thing.

What I'm Reading Today

I'm currently taking a class on W.E.B. DuBois whose most famous work, Souls of Black Folk, I've always admired.  I didn't realize that he wrote some fiction and other works that could actually be seen as more important than Souls of Black Folk.  This week we are reading Darkwater, which is available on Project Gutenberg if you are interested in reading it.

DuBois is a master of creating a multi-genre text, which I think gives a lot of interesting texture to his work. Darkwater includes autobiographical, prayer, and poetic elements.  I've really just started the book and have only made it through the first few chapters, but already, his authenticity shines through the writing and makes for a compelling read.  He talks about his family, childhood and his ambitions and goals, which ultimately leads to a serious discussion of the history of race, labor, and whiteness in American history.  Dubois is not afraid to call a spade a spade, and I'm sure this has something to do with the fact that you hear about this book far less than you hear about Souls of Black Folk.  It is subversive in the sense that it calls exploitation and racism by their names rather than using euphemisms or offering apologies for why such inequality exists in U.S. society.

If you are interested in reading something that draws you in immediately and offers an apt historical accounting of early 20th century social conditions in the U.S. through the lens of a fascinating autobiography, I highly recommend reading this.  DuBois is a passionate and clear writer who looks into the depth of our society from the human soul to the history of exploitation of our people.  DuBois also edited a journal called "The Crisis", which I've been learning more about and you can read more about if you are interested:

Why Literature?

A lot of people ask me this question: "Why did you choose to get a PhD in Literature?  You must want to teach?"  It's an interesting question that is always followed with the stipulation that I must want to teach because why else would this degree be valuable?  Well, the truth is that yes, I want to teach.  However, the deeper truth is that I want to spend my life thinking about language and how it shapes who we are as people and how we, in turn, shape language.

Most people are surprised to learn that a PhD program in Literature contains, relatively speaking, little actual reading of literature.  In fact, I'm learning from my colleagues that many people entering a PhD program are unaware of this themselves.  There is very little literature, folks; it is nearly all theoretical texts and classes formed around theoretical schools or traditions.  I LOVE THIS STUFF!  It is hard because it is all abstract theory and philosophy, but it is all rewarding work when you sink your teeth into it.

One of the ideas that we explored in class today is the fact that it is common to think of language as an instrument or a tool of communication.  This theorist, Emile Benveniste, discusses how language is part of human nature and argues that it is not a tool or instrument.  And he claims that when scientists, historians, philosophers, etc. approach language as if it were a tool whose development could be pinpointed in history like that of the wheel, for example, they will find that it is impossible to find that moment in history because language is part of our human nature, not something that we developed, but that developed naturally as part of human nature.  

I am compelled by his argument and am surprised that I haven't come across his work before (although I have definitely read theorists who are basing their arguments off of his).  He uses the example of the grammatical subject, I, to show that the very idea of I has no definition and yet, is universal because it can be used by anyone.  When I use I, it applies to me, but then you can say I and it now applies to you.   By using I, we express ourselves...and yet, it is impossible to express oneself (specifically one's interiority) without using I.  Thus, this is one example of how the very idea of having interiority is tied up in language and cannot exist outside of language.  It gets to be a pretty tedious study of grammar and language, but one of the overall ideas in his essay is that language plays a fundamental role in making us who we are.  In other words, language makes us who we are (gives us self-consciousness); we do not make language and simply "use" it as a tool to express ourselves.  

The importance of studying language and literature cannot be understated in my mind because the questions that literary study seeks to answer the most fundamental questions about human existence.  That's what I thought I would share about that since I'm so often fielding that question these days.

Writer's Block...

It's not necessarily that I have it, but I have had a great deal of difficulty blogging lately.  I have no idea what to write about or what would interest my select readers.  So, I'm trying to think about that....  

Originally, this blog was meant to keep up with friends and family while I was in the midst of a crazy busy time in my life.  Now, I'm thousands of miles away from most friends and family and don't really have any more free time than I had before, but a bigger time difference--and, perhaps as a result, emotional distance--from all of you.

So, if you have ideas or thoughts about what you enjoy reading when you come here, please do let me know in the comments or by email.  It would be really helpful to know if this thing is too much of a journal, if you want to know more about literary theory, more about California or what!  

Without such commentary to work with right now, I will spend a little time today thinking about writer's block and how it seems like a very similar kind of thing to "exercise block" and other types of blockages that make us stumble when trying to pursue healthy and fulfilling activities that are good for us.  In continually striving to adapt well to my new schedule with all of its freedom and constraints, I've had to be a lot more in tune with knowing the most productive environment, time of day, and even the kinds of food and drink that keep me focused on reading, writing, responding to students, and preparing for teaching each week.  It's feeling a bit more like the training program that I was in for the marathon when I got to know my body so well that I knew exactly what I could and couldn't eat at certain times of the day if I wanted to go for an evening run and how much water to have to be hydrated for a morning run, etc.  

Maybe I could approach school a bit more like marathon training.  A few things that immediately come to mind are the need for clothing that suits the task, which was of the utmost importance in marathon training, and a good soundtrack for training.  I got some new music from a friend last weekend, so that may be a good start.  Cat Power's Cherokee from the new album is the first song -- this is an excellent sign.  Any other tips from your marathoners or fellow students-for-life?

Anyway, hope you enjoy this new song by Cat Power:

It's a bird, it's a plane...it's a FIREBALL?!

While looking up the best prospects of star gazing for the meteor shower this weekend, I learned that there was a crazy fireball over San Francisco last night!  

Is it just me or does this astronomer sound just a tad bit rehearsed?  It makes one skeptical of his statement, no? 

I'm going to go ahead and admit that when I had to whittle down my VHS collection many years ago I threw away several videotaped NOVA specials featuring UFO's that aired in the 1990's.  It's not that I believe in UFO's per se, but I am fascinated by the possibility of them.  I'm even more interested in hearing the stories of the people who believe they sighted one.  Anyway, I can't believe that this was so close to home!  I'm so curious!  

We will definitely be out around midnight on Saturday, the peak evening for watching the annual Orionid meteor shower.  It's usually a spectacle that doesn't disappoint, and it's been YEARS since I've been in a location dark enough to spectate.  

Doping & Neuroprosthesis

Yes, I'm still thinking a lot about prosthesis, and I don't suspect that my interest will wane anytime soon.   Interestingly enough, I'm finding more and more articles that were published in the past year about the idea of neuroprosthesis than ever before.  Apparently scientists are working on developing memory and attention aids.  Fascinating!

The argument I am trying to make in the essay (said essay is a section of my master's thesis and is now an article-length essay that I will be working on for who knows how long as I work to see if it is publishable) about the usefulness of examining narcotics as a form of prosthesis is occupying my thoughts a lot these days.  Part of my sustained interest is undoubtedly nourished by all of the talk of technology these days...and today, another turn in the idea of prosthesis came out with the news around the release of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency's case against Lance Armstrong proved that.  

I found this New York Time blog entry discussing the problem with doping to be an interesting take on the issue.  At the end, the writer makes mention of someone's comments that "bike racing should be compared to Formula 1 or Nascar racing--with riders' bodies treated like machines to be tweaked with science."  I am in no way anti-technologist, but this sounds like a scary proposition, especially given the fact that so many drugs have unknown long-term consequences because they have been in use for such a short time.  I mean, what about the neurological effects of these drugs?  No one is talking about that, but surely there might be some concerns about the effects on the brain from this stuff?  This is serious business, and I'm not exactly sure what Science Fiction would have to say about it, but I'm pretty sure the story would be dystopian.

The Vocation

Today I was reminded of a certain side of myself that obsesses and agonizes over things that might not seem worthy of obsession to other people.  This does NOT include an obsession of keeping things clean or organized, which is why I would NEVER be mistakenly diagnosed with OCD.  The best way to characterize my obsessions is perhaps to say that I am obsessed with behavior.  My own behavior being the most easily accessed case study, but also other people's behaviors...even animals, organizations, you name it.

Here is an example of what I mean.  Back in 2005, a woman I worked with asked me to house sit and take care of her elderly cat and younger dog.  I agreed to it and thought it would be a fun adventure.  Well, in an effort to keep this story short, I will simply say that it was not fun.  In fact, it was a torturous experience for me.  The couple was on an international vacation for a week, and I was in charge of the animals toute seule with only the number of a friend of theirs to call in a pet emergency.  Never having had pets of my own as a child or with roommates or anything like that, how was I supposed to know what constitutes an emergency?  I did call once, and the friend laughed at me and assured me that everything was okay...if she had known what was going on behind the scenes, her answer may have been different.

So, what happened?  Well, the elderly cat peed on the carpet during the day just as the owners had suggested he might.  I used the cleaning solution, but then, I kept smelling it...and every day for the entire week I smelled it and kept scrubbing their carpet.  That was how it all started.  A few days after that, the cat went on a hunger strike and stopped eating regular meals to the extent that I tried to spoon feed him later in the week.  The dog started barking a lot when I was there and no amount of walking or petting would get him to stop.  

It was my own personal hell, except that it wasn't even mine!  But I couldn't abandon these creatures, so I did the only thing I knew to do in order to save their lives....  After the third day, I started a detailed journal of the cat's and the dog's behavior.  I got a legal pad and took note of every "momentous" interaction with the pets.  The entries looked something like:

• Cat pooped today.  Seemed like a normal amount.
• Put food out at 8:00 a.m.  Returned home at 6:00 p.m. and found food bowl empty.
• Dog barked for 13 minutes after we returned from a 24.5 minute walk.
• Fed dog 2 scoops of food, as directed.
• Cat hissed at me when I walked in the door.
• Cat clawed at the door from about 5:12 a.m. until I opened the door at 7:07 a.m.
• Dog stopped to sniff every weed on our walk today.

Yep.  I filled about 5 pages front and back of that legal pad.  I was so pleased with my thorough care taking and observations that I couldn't believe that the owners were pretty freaked out about my recording when they returned from vacation.  I was really afraid that one of the pets might die during or soon after their time in my care, and this was my justification that it wasn't my fault.  A complete record of our interactions.  Luckily, nothing every happened to these animals.

I got to thinking about this interesting experience of living with pets for a week because it reminded me that as crazy as I thought I was today as I freaked out about the hundreds of pages of dense theoretical material that it seems to take me FOREVER to read and how I wish I had stronger writing skills, I realized that despite my shortcomings, I am still entering one of the most suitable professions possible for me.  A profession that rewards this obsessive attention to behavior, and it is something of a strange comfort right now...and it really is a comfort.  

Columbus Day

Columbus Day was today apparently...and for the first year in a long time I didn't even realize it was today until I was in the classroom!  I am really pleased about it.  California apparently recognizes the day, but doesn't give government workers the day off.  And I guess by being part of the state university system, I am some kind of government worker, right?

I'm pleased about not knowing what today was and not having it is a vacation day because, like many people, I don't think that Columbus is a real cause for celebration since his "discovery" of the Americas marks the violent vanquishing of native populations among other atrocities.  I'm pleased about how I found out it was Columbus Day.  I am a Teaching Assistant for an American literature class entitled "The Historical Imaginary", which deals with precisely these kinds of issues within history.  My students used the story of Columbus as an example of how one can understand the difference between historicism and historical materialism in response to Walter Benjamin's theoretical work.  It was awesome to see students relate the issues that we were talking about in theory and literature into contemporary memorials, days of observance, etc.  

As a result, I felt like this was the best celebration of Columbus Day I've ever had!  In homage to rethinking Columbus and the one-sided stories that history so often tells...and in honor of historical materialists who seek to tell a different story than historicists...I'm posting the artist Tatzu Nishi's "Discovering Columbus" for your consideration.  I like the idea of bringing the public statue into a private space, which seems to be an interesting way of getting people to think critically about our public icons by showing how absurd such a sculpture would appear in a private home.  

Academic Vocabulary

One of the big hurdles of starting into any new kind of work and even any kind of new activity usually requires you to adapt to a new vocabulary.  I remember being completely lost in my first yoga class because I didn't know what downward dog, warrior, or eagle poses were (to name a few).  When, I began fundraising, I was unaccustomed to using the term "outcomes" in such a specific way that specifically referred to the success of clients being served and later on in my career, the term "legacy" took on a life of its own as it was a euphemism for asking people if they could give six figure gifts (thus, leaving a legacy) or not.  

Now that I am pursuing an academic career, I am also having to learn new vocabulary, but this time it isn't just about euphemisms and different ways of saying something. It's learning a lot of new words AND learning the philosophical concepts behind the use of these often complex terms.  In critical theory, which seeks to examine the social, historical, and ideological forces that shape culture and influence literature, some of these words are initially recognizable but seem completely out of place.  Take, for example, the word heliocentric.  Sure, I know this in terms of plants being attracted to the sun.  So, why is heliocentric being used by literary theorists so much?  It turns out that it is a useful term for critics who think that Western philosophy is too focused on itself to such an extent that it cannot include, no matter how hard it tries, classes of people who exist outside of Western norms.  

Similarly, the word "diversity", which is talked about all the time these days in the workplace and in politics, etc., becomes "heterogeneity" in critical theory.  The domestic worker becomes the "comprador periphery", the oppressed become the "subaltern" and similarities become "homologues".  Of course the nuance of using these more sophisticated terms does have a purpose and the purpose is to NOT make them synonymous with their more well-known iterations.  The subaltern only refers to a very specific set of oppressed people. Heterogeneity lends a more scientific view of the idea of diversity and multiculturalism.  

Right now my reading pace is banana slug slow, but I'm hoping that at some point I get into the groove of thinking about these words in a more natural and critical way.  It's humbling--and at times daunting--to have to learn so much new vocabulary, but like in my previous professions, it is also a useful tool for talking about specific, nuanced ideas. I'm finding that as I build this new vocabulary, I am also building new ideas because the two go hand in hand.  

Time Travel, Telekinesis, Oh My!

We went to see the movie Looper last night, a movie by Rian Johnson, featuring Joseph Gordon-Levitt...and Bruce Willis of all people!  As the The New York Times' review suggests, the movie is first and foremost about time travel.  I liked that it is set thirty years in the (near) future, which reminds me of Octavia Butler's novels.  Scientists say that this kind of time travel is not necessarily impossible either (except that whole thing about how the universe would collapse if you traveled into the past rather than the future).

There was some funny dystopian humor thrown into the mix too; about 10% of the population has a mutant Telekinesis gene (TK), but it's only powerful enough to allow people to perform tricks like circling coins in the air.  I respected these doses of humor since that can be hard to do (or worse, uninteresting) in a high suspense apocalyptic drama.

It's not only driven by suspense, the emotional drive of the film is rooted in pop-psychology notions of love in which most human violence stems from not getting enough love from Mom and Dad.   I don't want to give too much away in the movie, but the lack of mothers raising their children undergirds the logic of the plot.  That was a little over-stated for my liking, but it didn't make the film less enjoyable...in fact, the attempt at emotion (and an off-handed remark about an "affective" clothing choice) scored big points with me.  

Joseph Gordon-Levitt's acting was a big part of what I think made the movie work.  I've held a grudge against him for a while because of his role in 500 Days of Summer (I really did not like that movie, AT ALL), but after seeing Mysterious Skin and now this performance, I'm over it.  I think he's got some talent.

If you are interested in time travel, dystopia, or action flicks (or films about mommy and daddy issues?), I recommend it:

Phatic

I learned this new word today: phatic.  It means "to denote or relate to language used for general purposes of social interaction, rather than to convey information or ask questions."  I love that the dictionary uses "hello, how are you?" as an example of it.  Because the truth is, most of us are completely uninterested in how you are when the question is asked.

Currently, a fascinating trend of "phatic language" is happening in our culture because of Facebook, etc...and someone wrote a dissertation about it!  It turns out that social media has significantly reshaped phatic language and the way we use it.  What is fascinating about this study is that it shows that "information-less" posts are not meaningless.  These random status updates and dinner photos are an increasingly important part of our current public discourse and expression of emotion.

It turns out that "phatic communication" keeps people better connected with one another and represents an increasingly important aspect of social interactions, especially now that so much of one's community is online and not just in the place where one lives.

Of course, there is one person who saw the meaning in phatic language without writing a dissertation on it (although he did have a PhD in psycholinguistics).  How ARE you, Tobias Funke?

Shout Outs

Shout Outs are something that I grew up with and thought were really cool.  You know, radio personalities, friends on the playground, whatever, it was cool to get a shout out...not always an explicit one but something that acknowledged a shared moment or something.  I was enjoying some early 90's pop/hip-hop this weekend and was noting how many times these groups give themselves shout outs in the middle of a song.  It was cool back then!

Well, shout outs are back in my life, whether I like it or not.  They first re-emerged on Friday during a step aerobics class at the gym.  I decided to start trying out the morning class at the gym because by evening, I've often lost motivation. So, I went into this step class, and when the instructor asked my name, I didn't think anything about sharing it with her.  Well, about one minute later, I heard the instructor--above the loud pulsing pop music--scream my name through her headset.  "Sarah, you got it!  Everyone, look at Sarah, this is her first class, can you believe it?"  WHAT?!  I mean, I didn't know what to do except to keep doing basic right.

That was only the beginning.  The steps got harder, and I couldn't keep up.  But I got some encouragement on the mic: "Sarah, don't worry, hun, you'll get it".  OH GOD, PLEASE MAKE IT STOP is all I could keep thinking!  It was so mortifying.  Why wasn't she rallying any of the regulars?!  This went on until the end, when she actually made people give me a round of applause for making it through the class.

Now, you can imagine, any workout class that happens at 8:30 in the morning is going to be mostly filled with a certain...shall we way "more mature" group of folks.  But the thing is, the morning class is really good because it's hard enough and early enough that I enjoy it and don't have time to think about skipping out on it.  And it's about 50/50 older folks and folks my age.  So, I showed up again today.  This time I only got about 5 shout outs, which was a BIG improvement over Friday.  I'm hopeful that I can start flying under the radar by the end of the week.

I should have known that the shout outs were infecting me, but I didn't realize it until today when I blurted out in my teaching section "let's give some shout outs to the parts of this text that were real stumpers".....  I mean, The Grandissimes is a tough text to read, even for senior Literature majors.  It seemed like a good idea.

Yeah, "sun of my life" immediately informed me that shout outs are very "high school" and basically a terrible idea in a senior-level discussion section.  But, seriously, it finally got the students talking about a very difficult text to talk about!  The Grandissimes is in patois, refers to parts of history that these students are really unfamiliar with, AND it is not a linear narrative, nor does it have a singular narrative.  So...I had to get them talking somehow.  I got about half of the class engaged in discussion on the first day, so even though I'm feeling kind of lame right now, I'm thinking that perhaps I can count this as a success.

Here's Snoop Dogg giving shout outs to British Royalty...and he is still way cooler than me: