An Anatomy of the All-Nighter

It turns out that this crazy finals crunch has really been a ploy by academia to condition us with enough stamina to stay awake for the royal wedding: http://royalwedding.yahoo.com/blogs/lhow-to-stay-awake-for-the-royal-wedding-6107.

I don't know whether or not to be shocked or humored by this ridiculous story. Really Yahoo! News?  This is the best you can do?  I mean, when I close out of my junk email account, I at least expect to see a fashion faux pas or mansions for sale in Hollywood or even the occasional sensationalized news story.  But this takes things a little too far.   I chose shock earlier today, so I'm going to choose humor right now.  

I am offering a counter-method for pulling an all-nighter.  It has been tested and proven by real life people as recently as last night, and I have the testimonials to prove its effectiveness.  "Is it just me, or does midnight feel early?" (TK)  "I won't be able to sleep until I get a thesis statement written" (MS)  "Is it 4 a.m.?  Should I just go to work right now?" (SP)  Now that's dedication to an all-nighter!  If these are the kinds of results you are looking for, follow these simple steps and you will be awake and enthralled with royalty in no time:

1) Stock up on sleep...no no no no!  Stock up on your philosophical notions of the self, the subject, the object, and the other.  Think about binaries and how to subvert or sublimate them. Better yet, think of yourself as both the subject and the object, the self and the other.  Jumble them all together and then, try to make sense of them.  This will get you to at least 4 a.m.  If you need some help, try this: http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~hdreyfus/html/paper_heidandfoucault.html

But now you've got to actually stay awake for the ceremony.....

2) Lighten up....WRONG!  Fatten up.  Keep those lights off and pump yourself full of sugar.  Left over Easter candy.  Chocolate covered espresso beans.  Jelly beans.  Cookies. Whatever makes you happy.  Your food coma will make you forget that you are still awake watching this crap.

3) Yawn...wrong again.  Yell something!  I recommend yelling at the person sitting next to you.  You must strike the right balance so all will be forgiven once the all-nighter is over, but it has to be forceful enough to evoke a response from the other person too.  Yelling at each other will help to keep both of you awake.  Lines I've used that have worked really well are: "I don't need another transition; I don't need to keep over-explaining myself!"  and lines that have worked upon me "You are misreading me! I'm using concrete language, and you are reading all this stuff into it that I'm not saying!"

4) Sniff some mint...what?  I don't think so.  Sniff something else...just not pollen.

5) Bring on the java...close, but no cigar.  This is the time to bust out that 5-hour energy drink they've been giving out for free on campus or believe it or not, WINE!  You've made it late enough that the wine will just help you ride out the morning rather than drag you down into sleep. 

6) Make a move...you are suggesting jumping jacks in the madrugada?  We are not soldiers, we are entertainment junkies!  Have a little respect.  Simply move from one side of the sofa to the other and it will feel like a whole new numbness on your bum.  

This Yahoo! article ends with some note about a weight loss program...one thing I can absolutely guarantee is that staying up all night will increase your likelihood of gaining 10 pounds rather than losing it. But what's 10 pounds for the chance to see patriarchy and privilege going strong well into the 21st century?  In fact, the weight gain and red eyes will ensure your efforts won't go unnoticed.

Now, if you haven't already gotten hip to this on Facebook, let the fun begin by creating your Royal Wedding Guest Title:

Start with "Lady" or "Lord” 

Your first name is one of your grandparents' names.  

Your surname is the name of your first (or favorite) pet, double-barrelled with the name of a street you grew up on.

I'm Lady JoAnn Cutsie-Tetreau, thank you very much.

Running

We all know by now that I've been running around with work and schoolwork and trying to see my friends, maintain some semblance of health, and all of that stuff. I've been writing about it daily. But today, I actually tried to go out running -- like the thing where you move your legs fast enough that you jolt your body off the ground and bounce up and down and get your heart rate up there into the exercise/aerobics zone.

I had this great idea that since I left my bike at work yesterday, I should just pack up a backpack and run the 3.5 mile UPHILL from Mt. P to AU. Wow. Good decision or bad decision? I think I'll have a better answer for that tomorrow when my legs let me know via soreness just how much shock I sent them into today. Running is more complicated than some people think. How many times do I hear people telling me that going out for a run will HELP my stress level? They actually don't know me. The thought of it alone sends me into a tizzy of stress.  I'll admit that in many cases, this is true, it will help me. That moment only comes if you've been preparing your body for it, though.

First things first, you need to be hydrated enough to not cramp up so badly that you don't want to run again. This proves difficult for the over-stressed, over-worked graduate student who is having a not-so-secret love affair with coffee...and when that isn't enough, dirty chai lattes. Second, you need the right amount of energy, which is a two-part qualification from food and from sleep. So, you have to have eaten the right foods the night before (I think my Indian shrimp vindaloo and spinach dinner MAY have qualified) AND that you have the right foods on-hand (like fruit or yogurt) to have something small before heading out, which I did not. In fact, I realized that I have one frozen package of my mom's crawfish etouffee in my freezer, and that is sadly (but also happily since I love crawfish etouffee) the only close-to-ready-to-eat food in my house right now. Then, you have to have had the right amount of sleep -- not only the night before, but for preceding nights as well. Definitely not meeting that qualification right now.

So, how did my efforts pan out today? Well, let's just say I get a B- for effort. I kept psyching myself up on the climb up the hill on Cleveland Rd chanting "you can do it"...but I was saying that right as I was starting to walk, and then, I was like "yeah, walking is better." But I did make it to work in one piece and without shin splints.  So, I'm taking the bike home tonight...but I may try this again.

What say you? Running is a no-strings-attached easy way to get high-impact exercise? Or is it fraught with demands that the over-stretched student cannot meet?  At least I've been sticking with biking!  I'm even up to 5th gear!

Drive,Thrive, Alive

Tonight was an “early” night because I just got home at 11:30 p.m. instead of sometime after midnight.  This is not my typical schedule by any stretch of the imagination.

Drive is what is getting me through this semester, which leads me to reflect for a bit on what it is that motivates us to do things that challenge us in that over-the-top way.  You know, the way that brings you to the brink of a breaking point…until the moment you’ve been waiting for, when your hard work and stamina is rewarded in some way.  No, I’m not at all suggesting that I personally had one of those moments today.  I definitely did not. But what I did realize is that even though I’m totally exhausted and ready for this grueling semester to end, I’ve still got this strong drive to put a lot of effort and creativity into this last paper.  In fact, I’m pretty psyched about writing this paper.

Thriving on the tasks at hand is key to getting through it all.  I’m really not sure where my drive comes from.  I’m really happy that I have it because otherwise it would be way too easy to be broken down by the stress of graduate school... the constant critique and scrutiny, and the pressure to strike the right balance between ambitious ideas and clearly-stated arguments.  As you know, the more complex the idea or argument, the harder it is to explain it much less argue for your theory or reading of a text, etc.  It is an exhausting process.  It is also invigorating.  

Alive - it's how paper-writing makes me feel, believe it or not.  I’ve been reading a lot of theory about emotions and thinking about the nature of where they come from and what they mean (here is an example of a syllabus that resembles the one for my emotions class).  After studying this for one semester, which admittedly is not very long, I still have no conclusive ideas on where the emotions come from and how a person’s “drive” is determined, constructed, or developed.  And yet, I'm still driven to keep learning and exploring those questions.  I thrive on that drive, which makes me feel alive!

What is it that drives YOU to do things like…train for a marathon…quit your meaningless job and pursue a vocation…ignore the pressures of family members or others that steer you away from your dreams…? 

The Final Countdown

My first final paper is due tonight -- in 2 hours to be exact. I've been working on this paper since the end of February, so you might think that it is unquestionably awesome. The problem is, my professor and I cannot communicate at all. The funny part of that problem is that it provides plenty of post-class fodder to laugh about, and it means job security for my future. I'm amazed at how words can mean such different things to different people and think it's totally awesome that I'm going to make a career out of examining language.

But we are not just talking about potato patata here. I make what I think is a sequential logical argument -- he says I'm taking leaps. I say material object, like something I'm holding in my hand -- he says something about physics. I write an entire 15-page draft of my final paper on tears -- he makes a note in the bibliography that he still has no idea why I'm writing about tears. Aye yai yai ya yai!

The problem of miscommunicating so profoundly with a professor is that the problem never quite gets resolved. It's not an issue of not writing clearly or even poor syntax or something like that. It is much more about the vastly different ways we think in general. Which leads me to wonder: how it is that we ever cross that bridge with people that we don't quite get?

A grad school colleague, who I'm already quoting frequently on this blog, enlightened me to Percy Shelley's "Defense of Poetry," which is not nearly as dry as the title sounds. He explains that people are either reasoned thinkers or imaginative thinkers. Reasoned thinkers respect differences and imaginative thinkers value commonalities. Because I'm an imaginative thinker, overcoming this divide between my reasoned-seasoned professor doesn't seem like a big deal. But it really is. I have totally and utterly exhausted myself for 2 months on this paper, and I have no real confidence that he will follow or understand my argument when I turn this thing in tonight.

This thinking divide might also provide insights into why transitioning to a job in higher education has been difficult for me. The whole institution is not only rooted in reason, it values reasoned arguments and strong logic as the pinnacle of knowledge. Every time I'm told about a barrier, I see a way through it...and I always thought that was a really good thing.  And well, that's just not the case here...the reasons why are not clear to me, but they are numerous.

So, I’m curious, what kind of thinker are you?  I think I’ve got most of you pegged, but I’d love to know how you self-identify.

Christos Anesti

Happy Easter!  One of the things I do love about being in graduate school is that I’m often thinking very deeply (er, at least trying to) about the way we think of the world.  More specifically, as a student of English literature, words are the primary lens I/we use to think about these big issues.  I’m currently writing one of my final papers on how William Blake uses tears in his poetry for this class called “Romanticism & the Emotions.”  As a part of the paper, I’m thinking a whole lot about Jesus and the important role that sorrow plays/has played in forming a Christian concept of the divine.  So, it’s interesting to have been writing the majority of this paper during holy week. 

But that’s not exactly where I’m trying to go right now.  My friends got me out of the house yesterday – thank you! –to finally visit the Gauguin exhibit at the National Gallery of Art.  I nearly got hit by a bus on my way there and got yelled at by the driver for being on my cell phone even though I was walking in a cross walk, with the pedestrian light telling me to walk...but alas, I'm only a mere human life, and I was on my cell phone, so surely I deserved to die in that moment.  Anyway, I survived the idiot bus drivers of DC -- by a hair since I felt the bumper on my leg -- and got to enjoy this exhibit.  

I was particularly struck by Gauguin’s representations of Christ.  The Yellow Christ  was one of the more interesting paintings to me because of the rich symbolism, but also admittedly because it is part of his series of paintings from Brittany, France…which many of you know is the region of France where I lived.  So it got me thinking, what in the heck does a yellow Christ mean?  The museum booklet's description simply talks about the bold use of colors.   Here's my interpretation. This painting was done in 1889.  In that time, there was a phenomenon happening world-wide as a result of industrialization -- and the previous century's rapid growth of public participation in politics and consumer culture -- called “yellow journalism.” It referred to the endless circulation of print journals and daily newspapers that was full of biased reporting and misleading images that paraded as objective journalism.  Sound familiar?  A yellow Christ in this time period wouldn't just be radical because Christ is transposed into a folk setting.  It would also make a bold statement about how religious institutions produce endless interpretations of the crucifixion under the guise of divine authority, but created with strong bias.

William Blake believed that Jesus was the imagination.  He believed that religion distorted the expansive qualities of Jesus and reduced them to images and rituals and rules.  If Jesus is imagination, then it follows that institutions that rely on logic and dogma and certain justifications to establish their authority inherently limit the imagination and thus, reduce the value and meaning of Jesus.  Art is integral to gaining a more comprehensive understanding of Jesus because art brings us out of the space of simple rule following (we know from earlier posts how much I value rule following) and into the imagination as the art demands a response that is personal and is based on the observer's experience with the art.  

Easter is one of the times when spiritual leaders who are self-conscious of the limitations  that the structure of religion imposes have an opportunity to draw their flocks into the imagination.  Lent is strongly rooted in ritual and rule following.  The resurrection, on the other hand, pushes every limit because it cannot be fully explained in words or with logic.   


Alithos Anesti!

It’s Crunch Time!

Do y’all ever wonder if growing up watching Saturday morning cartoons did some real damage to our brains?  Like, did those cartoons really co-opt our brains and influence our associative thinking?

I’m asking because as I sat down this morning to work on one of my two 20 page final papers, I thought, “it’s really crunch time now.”  And a flood of images rushed through my brain of foods that I haven’t had or craved in a very long time…Nestle crunch, Cap’n Crunch, Doritos….  Why is it that crunchy foods are so appealing?  And why is the word crunch the same for something crispy as it is for a critical moment?  Is the reason why so many of us crave potato chips or some other crunchy junk food when under stress because for so many years the word crunch has been co-opted as one of the best features of junk food?

The word associations in these commercials are really fun…also a little scary since I apparently think this way fairly naturally.  And I wasn't even allowed to watch much TV.  

I recommend watching this to jog your memory...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjLO4eEp0Xs …and is that Zach Morris in the Cookie Crisp commercial?!

Now I’m back to crunching…my brain, not food.

Do I really need one more thing in my to do list?

I recently hit bottom.  Like literally.  As I was running into the library to print my paper for a presentation at my school's student conference, I tripped and fell.  First to my knees.  Then, as if in slow motion, I felt myself fall forward and plant my face into the carpeted floor.  That’s when I knew the universe was trying to tell me something.  But what exactly was it trying to tell me?  I’m still trying to figure that out.  But basically, I think it was telling me to slow down and blog.

The thing is, I’m one of those people who try really hard at pretty much everything. Some people say I’m a perfectionist, but perfectionists at least give the semblance of perfection even if it's merely a façade.  My case is entirely different.  For starters, nearly all of my major faults are exposed in public rather than in private.  Like, this dive into the floor of the library that I took.  That never would have happened in the comfort of my own home (or at least it hasn't happened to date).  Instead, it had to happen in the lobby of my workplace in front of my colleagues and classmates.  Secondly, I really just like doing a whole lot of things and it sort of vexes me that I'm not great at them, but I'd rather do them okay than not to do them at all.  Blogging is going to be an experiment in just being present to life and what it throws my way (and yes, of course, what I drag into it) without worrying about grades, performance reviews, being politically correct, etc.

One of my friends recently told me that my life is turning into a sitcom.  I think it's because of the sheer volume of things happening in my life right now.  It's inevitable that when you are doing a crazy amount of activities in a variety of different settings, sometimes you will forget to code shift as necessary or you are too preoccupied to thoughtfully consider your response to things and say something that sounds like something only a crazy person would say.  Like how -- just last week -- I lashed out at a bartender by yelling "rule follower" at him.  It was a true statement, but somehow that brought me a little too close to that moment when security is called to detain a disruptive patron.

Lately it seems like I'm often finding myself in situations when I'm just one moment away from crossing over from the idiosyncratic life of an overextended graduate student into crazy town.  As I flash into that land of the truly crazy from time to time, I figured that sharing those flashes might interest others and keep me tethered to the real world.  Frankly, I also really freaking need a place where I can think, write, and disregard grammar.